THE GREAT PORNO RAP SWINDLE
Hello Everybody, welcome to my CD, I'm here to tell you 'bout a place where the women all pee
I'm here to talk about boobs, gonna rap about butts, from the high class hookers to the five dollar fucks
I'm gonna show you a world where pussy is king - first you gotta pay a cover door charge - " Ka-ching! "
Makin' money, makin' records, mackin' every day, Beaver Shoot clockin' dollas each and every way
I got women comin' over to the house tonite, a pair of daisy dukes and a bra that's tight
Step into the booth and get on the mike, you wanna join Beaver Shoot? Ha ha, SIKE!
Cause I am the man, and these are my bitches, I got the props and I got the riches
Get outta my way so I can make my dough, this is the first song and away we go!
Even though you know what we're gonna do, Beaver Shoot and I'm here to welcome you, ask yourself just what the world's coming to - ( Welcome to the Great Porno Rap Swindle! ) x 2
I got the time if you got the beer, tell your girlfriend to step over here
I got a place for her butt to sit...but do you got a problem if I grab her tit?
Cause my name is John and it's always a pleasure, I'm going diving for underwear treasure
I was sent here to drink and smoke and fuck - pull this lever to try your luck
Don't be shy if you masterbate when, you're gettin' ready for a heavy date and -
She blows you off and then she calls, you won't be stuck with a case of blue balls
Cause we're the number one source of porno rap, bend the bitch over to give a butt smack
Buy our CD and come to the show this is the first song and away we go!
Announcer : " Yes indeed ladies and gentlemen, that's right - it's the first CD from America's greatest porno rap act, Beaver Shoot! We got it all for your entertainment pleasure, right here, right now...courtesy of Davies Productions, we've got Superbitch Magazine, with a plethora of girls, booze, and music! We've got naked ladies, we've got beer! We've got big asses, we've got big titties, we've got it all for your entertainment pleasure, right here, right now, courtesy of Beaver Shoot, and the Great Porno Rap Swindle!! "
BIG ASSES, BIG TITTIES
I got two things on my mind tonite, big huge tits in a shirt that's tight
Everybody sees that your nipples are hard and there's a big dildo right in my front yard
I like women built like a shithouse, 'cause you're a block of cheese and I'm the mouse
T & A is the only way and I'll be fuckin' boobies 'til my dying day
Big asses, Big titties, Big Asses, Big titties, Big asses, Big titties, we're Beaver Shoot from Detroit City! ( repeat )
You got a big ass booty and a nice big rack, I've always got a cushion cause my baby's got back
stop me in my tracks cause your titties is big, pull down your shorts and give your pussy a frig
huge aereolas and big round melons, your body is a crime and your boobs are felons
curvy like a coke bottle give you a bone, tell those skinny bitches to go the fuck home!
48 double d, more titty for me, 'cause you're my little darling and I'm your daddy
you like to flirt with your catholic skirt, I spank your big ass and make it hurt
I like big food and beer and chicks, creamy thighs and shaved pussy lips
I'll invite the girl's soccer team to my room, more asses and titties by the end of this tune!
KISS MY BONER
Kiss my boner, lick it good, just like I really think you should
you know I really think you're hot, 'cause you like to suck my dick alot
give me head 'til I'm dead, then spread on my water bed
big huge tits and a nice fat tush, and I'm gonna fuckin' eat your bush
Kiss my boner, eat it raw, my dick will fuckin' break your jaw
I'm like to give your throat a poke, I'm gonna fuckin' make you choke
I'd really like to pump your ass, now press your tits against the glass
you'll show me yet another trick, 'cause you love to eat my dick!
breakdown - suck it....( mmmm, I love to suck that dick! ) ( x 4 )
Everybody's talkin' but nobody's sayin' shit, my favorite thing to do is to lick pink slit
I called you shitty 'cause you always complain, I'm john and I'm hung like a fuckin' great dane
all the ladies wanna sleep with me, and I'm a hard worker in the chocolate factory!
a beer and a shot is all it took for me to later that night say, " ready for the gook? "
AND IT'S ONE, TWO, THREE GIRLS KNOCKIN' AT MY DOOR, CASE O' BEER, NICKLE BAG, AND A FIVE-DOLLAR WHORE! ( REPEAT )
you got a long tongue and clean yourself like a cat, my balls are like apples and my dick's like a bat
i like to have fun while fuckin' your tits, I don't have a gall bladder so I get the shits
come here woman and suck my dick! on your knees and tongue my prick!
I got drunk and crashed my Mercedes Benz, I dedicate this song to all my friends!
I got balls and they like to be held, just like Star Trek in a Vulcan mind meld
I didn't fuck your best friend, but I still kissed her, y'know not for nuthin' I'd like to bang your sister
A cute hitchhiker wearin' daisy dukes, I like to drink with your Mother but she always pukes
1, 2, 3 girls in my round bed! Brown, smooth, and easy to spread!
FUCK THAT BIG ASS BITCH
Well, I got two minutes to get into your pants, and if you wanna take a ride then give a brother a chance
Cause it's the Midwest Detroit Porno Rap King, and if you give me your number then I'll give you a ring
I got a pocket fulla dollas and a wallet fulla rubbers, I hate skinny bitches so I only fuck chubbers
knick knack, paddy whack, give your Mom a bone, I'm gonna finger fuck your pussy over the telephone!
GET HIGH, GET DRUNK! AND FUCK THAT BIG ASS BITCH! ( X 3 )
GET HIGH, GET DRUNK! FUCK HER IN THE MOUTH AND DUMP HER IN A DITCH!
Come here ya fuckin' big titted freak, now pull down my pants and suck my deeek!
Ya got one chance to make me bust my nuts, I came here tonite to fuckin' fuck your big butt
Too much talkin' and not enough suckin', the only thing I got planned is sloppy tit fuckin'
You're a big bad woman, I can see you like to eat, on your menu tonite is a purple headed treat!
MY FAT HEAD GIRL
whenever I see a cute girl who's fat, I think to myself " man, gimme some of that! "
'cause it's no secret that fat chicks fuck, what you may not know is they really like to suck
more times than not they have alot of money, might even pay your rent if she thinks you're kind of funny
she got big tits and a big round seat, they suck good dick 'cause they really like to eat
SHE'S MY VERY OWN FAT HEAD GIRL, IN HER MOUTH TAKES ME ALL AROUND THE WORLD
MY HAND IN HER PURSE AND MY DICK IN HER MOUTH, MY FAT HEAD GIRL GOIN' WAY DOWN SOUTH
Some of my friends think I'm crazy or cheap, but my girl has pockets and a throat that's deep
she might have big thighs and a little round gunt, but I haven't had to pay for booze in over six months
I believe in dating upward and I'm kind of a jew, but I bet I'm gettin' better head than any of you
picks me up, pays for drinks, and sucks my balls, she even cooks me food so fuck all y'all!
BREAKDOWN: OH YEAHHHHH ( FAT! FAT HEAD GIRL! ) ( X 3 ) ( FAT HEAD GIRL ALL AROUND THE WORLD! )
Blam! up against your mouth! the time has come to put your face south!
you got one chance to make my dick dance, I picked you 'cause you wear tight pants
but I got one thing to let you all know, all of you sluts are gonna kneel and blow
my big fat fuckin' cock, and if you mess that up, I'm gonna give you a sock
Hey ladies! ( yeah? ) Y'know I'm talkin' to you! ( we wanna fuck you, Johnny! ) I wanna fuck you too!
'cause you know, I don't really give a fuck, here's a Beaver Shoot dick for you to suck
now go, and cook me a meal - and if you mess that up, you'll be feelin' my heel
up against your stupid ass head, now take off your pants and get your legs spread!
WHAM! DO THE DISHES! BAM! CLEAN THE FLOOR! WELL, WHAM, BAM, THANK YA MA'AM, GET ON YOUR KNEES YOU FUCKIN' WHORE!
WHAM! DO THE DISHES! BAM! CLEAN THE FLOOR! WELL, WHAM, BAM, THANK YA MA'AM, NOW SUCK MY DICK YOU FUCKIN' WHORE!
Crack! up against your skull! I blame you 'cause the sex is dull!
I'm sick of you yappin' when you should be suckin', and if you piss me off, you better be duckin'
I'm throwin' fists, I'm gettin' pissed, and I expect to have my ass kissed
You see this bitch? this is a dick! and when I tell you something, it better stick -
- somewhere in that dumb ass brain! Now take off your skirt, get ready for pain!
and when I finish a beer, another better be open! I drink and laugh while you're cryin' and mopin'
You complain to your parents, boo fuckin' hoo! and you can tell your Dad I'll kick his ass too!
I'll slap the fuckin' age right off his face and get a teenage hooker to take your place!
breakdown - hilarious drunken husband rant...
Come here baby and lower your pants, I brought my dick so take a chance
To fit your mouth on my big huge dong, you can even bring your Mom along
We'll hit the town, you punch the clown, so kiss the pink and sniff the brown!
Everybody duck when I pull a lawn job, you're takin' turns suckin' on my big peach knob
Butt fuck, rim job, gang bang, dick! Now give my hairy balls a lick
You made me smile now for a while but now your pussy smells like bile
Goddamn fish is quite a catch, you got a fuckin' smelly snatch
So wash that cunt or give it up, would you like to smell my baseball cup?
B.E.A.! V.E.R.! S-H-double o-T! Huh! ( x 3 )
B.E.A.! V.E.R.! S-H-to the double o-T! Huh!
Sell me a rubber, I'll put it to use, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, Goose!
Don't be a fag, stop sucking that dick, now go over there and start fucking that chick!
Shit fuck piss and a yo ho hoe, Had poop on my finger so I fucked her with my toe!
I wanna say to everyone here tonite, I always fall in love when the butthole is tight
Shoot the woman in the face with a load of hot goo, make her eat a bowl of hairy ball stew
I hold the mic so I have the power to get you on your knees and kiss my peach tower
Top me off with your girlfriend's mouth, give me five minutes and she's goin' south!
I gave her all my money to keep her mouth shut, I'm like Sir Mix-A-Lot, cause I like big butts!
Well step on up, and sit on down, and raise your hand if you're down with brown!
the microphone is ready when I start to shout, cause drinkin' and fuckin' is what I'm about
big pyramid made out of hot fudge, she sat on my face and now I can't budge
I caught a piece of corn on the end of my thumb, you're like Helen Keller 'cause you're deaf and dumb
SUCK IT. YOU BETTER SUCK IT. C'MON SUCK IT. SUCK IT.
I read the book, but the movie sucked. You're in my bed, so you're gonna get fucked!
buy my record so I can make my dough, you're Mother is a cock suckin' dirty ass HO!
They say I'm disgusting and that I can't rap, I say they can lick inside my jockstrap
I sell alot of records and I play around the world, I drink alot of beer and I fuck alot of girls!
This CD comes with a snake-bite kit, my dick's so big that you're Mother's gonna shit
My morning boner is starting to dwindle, I'm the inventor of the Porno Rap Swindle
I drive a Mercedes, it's a hit with the womens, got a KISS face on my dick, it looks like Gene Simmons
Dive right into your chocolate cake, I never tell a lie, but my orgasms are fake, so....
Well here we go people it's the Beaver Shoot show, I'm John Fuckin' Davies, like you don't know
I'm hearin' on the street that lots of people think that my lyrics are offensive and the music fuckin' stinks
I sell alot of records full of dirty sex rhymes, I found your Mother and your brother in a juicy 69
I'm telling you people that I really can't lie, I'll be eating vagina til the day I die
SUMMER LOVIN', SOME ARE NOT, IN YOUR MOUTH, YOU'LL GET A SHOT, DRINK SOME BEER, SMOKE SOME POT, LET ME TOUCH YOUR PINK DOT!
ponro fuckin' rap, back louder and faster, and I'll never go away you dub, stupid fuckin' bastard
I like to say shit that makes people freak, and if you don't like it you can kiss my peach beak
I'm stuffin' your muffin', I'm puffin', not bluffin' about makin' your woman start with the pickle buffin'
B-E-A-V-E-R, I'd like to fuck your little sister in the back of my car!
I like Mickey Mouse, but I don't like Goofy, I'll serve you a drink and spike it with a roofie
If you sleep in my bed, you're gonna get banged, 'cause you'll be playing with my balls and licking my wang
Go and make me a meal and do my dishes, you got a hairy pussy that smells like 10 fishes
I'm a nice boy but not a role model, when I'm having fun fucking you with a bottle
You're a stupid ass whore, so gimme some money, I'll be beating your ass, 'cause you're Cher and I'm Sonny
Put on this dress and pee on a towel, I'll put some newspaper down and make you move your bowels
Then I'll spray you with water and wipe you 'til your clean, you're as tight as a drum 'cause you're only sixteen
My dick in your ass really fells like home, you be lickin' me balls 'til they shine like chrome!
Everybody listen cause I gotta tell a story ‘bout a kid who had a belly button - Danny! Noonan!
Topping off a shower head inside a little flower bed inside a little roller bed - Danny! Noonan!
Got a little weasel wax, little biddle diesel dax, lookin’ at the tire tracks - Danny! Noonan!
Seven eleven, e-beven, he’s Kevin, he’s treadin’ on me like - Danny! Noonan!
Chorus - Danny! Noonan! Danny! Noonan!
Drop a little science on government fines on assortment of wines and - Danny! Noonan!
Stop all the screaming, moisturizing and creaming and bling bling gleaming - Danny! Noonan!
Ting tang tung tong, ching chang chung chong, my name is John, not - Danny! Noonan!
Going everywhere and wearin’ fake hair and 40 pieces of flair like - Danny! Noonan!
Uptown, I’m goin’ downtown, I’m like Eddie Van Halen, I got the brown sound
I got the time to tell the people that the party’s getting’ started Stage dive off the speaker column, but the crowd parted
Got the juice, got the jimmy, got the liquor and the lights
I’m always runnin’ out the door cause I don’t get in fights
How am I driving? Call this number! I built my own castle cause I’m the King of Lumber
People always sayin’ that the pepper is cayenne and I don’t mind prayin’ to - Danny! Noonan!
Givin’ like I got, the kid’s got a shot, and coolin’ on the pot with - Danny! Noonan!
3rd on the row, his name is Coffee Joe, and an arrow and a bow and - Danny! Noonan!
Got to 3rd base, got a poker face, and a 10 mile chase to - Danny! Noonan!
THE FUCK YOU PROBLEM
Well I'm John Davies, remember that name, and if you don't like me that's a motherfuckin' shame
Cause you can suck my dick if you don't like this song, and I got 5 more and you can kiss my fuckin' dong
I've been doin' this shit since 1988, I was out there fuckin' before you could get a date
and I'm bigger and I'm badder and I'm better and I'm hotter, I'll fuck your mother and your sister and when I'm done I'll fuck your daughter!
I'll fuck anything that gets in my way, today's your fuckin' birthday it's Beaver Shoot day!
Gimme 5 seconds to take off my pants, I wanna hear yes's, not no's or can't's!
I wanna see you spread eagled on the middle of my bed and if you don't do it then I'll punch you in the head!
How many times before you start to fuckin' listen? I like to give golden showers, so don't mind me pissin'!
Fuck you! What's your problem? Fuck you! Hey,What his problem? Yeah, Fuck you! What's the problem?
Cause I'm John Davies and Fuck you too! ( repeat )
Fuck you! What's your problem? Fuck you! Hey,What his problem? Yeah, Fuck you! What's the problem?
Beaver Shoot! Fuck you too!
I wanna get drunk, so buy me a drink! ( you wanna hit this joint? ) Man, what the fuck do you think?
I'll raid your fuckin' liquor cabinet if you let me in, I'll show your little sister where she can sit and spin
Don't leave me alone with your nice young wife, I'll be stabbin' her pussy with my big peach knife
Master of the mike, master of my dick, I'll steal your money and your honey cause I'm a fuckin' prick!
I don't give a fuck if you hate my guts, I'll bend your sister over cause I like to fuck butts
You can kiss my ass and eat my shit, put a target on your forehead when I shoot my dick spit
Oh yeah, I forgot, a couple more things...did I mention that I got a big fuckin' ding-a-ling?
Get your girlfriend ready for my many booty calls, and if you don't like it you can suck my balls!
BEAVER SHOOT WORLD TOUR
People sayin' we're slayin' and customers are payin' for my CDs and my shirts and Mothers are prayin'
that I'd just go away, and leave today, but tough shit, bitch, it's the Beaver Shoot way!
and I say fuck that, you can just suck that, 'cause I sell alot of records and my wallet is fat
what city am I gonna crush tomorrow night? Beaver Shoot's blowin' up like a stick o' dynamite!
Boom! the stick goes Boom! the dick goes ZOOOM, in your motherfuckin' room, HUH!
tap on your shoulder with a big dildo, I got me some pussy 'cause your sister is a HOE!
goin' on tour for months at a time, selling out shows every motherfuckin' time
a wireless mike and chicks in a cage and there's no fuckin' guys allowed backstage!
ALL AROUND THE WORLD, I FUCK ALOT OF GIRLS, NECKTIES MADE OF PEARLS, TOUR AROUND THE WORLD WITH BEAVER SHOOT! ( REPEAT )
My hotel room is 666, here's some drugs, now suck my dick!
I want you gone before the sun comes up and I drink a bloody mary after I throw up
12 hour drive straight to the next show, with a bottle of rum and a packet of blow
I get the blonde and you can take her friend, and we'll both see how far back her legs bend
stop in the next town, hot and unshowered, we get to New York to appear on Howard
drink in the limo, and sleep in the van, I travel around like only Beaver Shoot can
girls on the seat, girls on the dash, in the back of the bus and I'm eating her gash
white rapper let loose on the U.S.A., and fuck you bitch it's the Beaver Shoot way!